My biggest regrets in life are letting my children down, or those that I love dearly. With this in mind, I’m tackling a long-avoided goal, and I’m afraid I might fail.
I’m not a perfect person, and life can be unfair, so there are times when a simple “I’m sorry” has to be enough. However, there are other times in life when you have to bite the proverbial bullet and follow through. I’m at one of those points right now where I could let my child down, again – or I can push through and make it happen.
What am I referring to, you might ask?
That’s right, a little run that many of you have done in your sleep, while I have avoided it like the plague. I am the person who jokes about how, if you see me running, then the “Zombies must be after us” (because, why on earth would I be running otherwise??) or that I will run for wine.
Well that second part is true – I’m currently using that as a personal bribe. I only wish I had bought the above shirt at Target when I had the chance. Only, I was afraid I would have to follow through, so I Instagrammed it with the clever, “Maybe. perhaps. We’ll see.” Knowing very well, I had no plans at the time to do such a thing. Because, apparently failing feels better?
Last year, my child joined the Girls on the Run organization and since then, has participated in two seasons. She has trained for 5K’s and run them twice. And, each and every season, I have told her I will do it, and then…I back out.
I back out because I’m tired all the time. I back out because I get overwhelmed with the many, many tasks on my to-do list, I back out because I am gasping for air after one solid minute of running, and because it is so easy to skip any kind of training in favor of these things. Because, running to Target for toilet paper, for me, is much more fun. And, when I say running, I mean driving my car.
Whoever thought to partner Starbucks and Target were GENIUS.
Cannot. Say. No.
So, I’ve avoided running this 5K with my lovely child for a year people.
Big fat ‘L’ on the forehead.
So, this weekend, I went away with some girlfriends to the beach and we did some scrapbooking and yes, running. These are the same gals that I ran with in New York’s Central Park and I told myself I would continue to run so I could meet that 5K goal in December….of LAST year. They gave me encouragement, but a knowing glance that I wasn’t super committed.
And they were right.
Well, this time, I have my goal mapped out in bite-sized pieces – thank you ‘Couch to 5K App’! (**not sponsored, but totally awesome App) and my already-half-marathon-ing-friends are here pushing me through to the other side when I want to be lazy. It feels more attainable and focused this way.
Because failing isn’t an option this time. Letting my daughter down again is not an option. In December, I must be with her.
Typing that out seriously gives me anxiety…. I am so afraid I will fail her.
I mean, how can I keep turning this little runner down?
How can I possibly tell her one-more-time that I won’t be running WITH her? That I will continue to sacrifice my well-being for sedentary life which might ultimately be my undoing?
So, I’m on Day 2 of the Couch to 5K – just finished the run, did some stretching and, EVERYTHING hurts. But, I’m choosing to focus on it as good pain. The presence of that pain means weakness is leaving my body and I am that much closer to running across that finish line with my girl.
One less let down in the course of her life.
I can’t promise her an easy life, one without disappointment, but I can control some of those disappointments. So, off I go. Day 3 is Wednesday – anyone want to go for a run?
Are you a runner – how did you get through those early days of discomfort, winded lungs and keep your will to move forward? If you’re like me and have had this as a goal, what holds you back? Let’s do this together…I do better with company – I’m betting you would too!