The first thought that occurred to me today is I am SO unbelievably blessed this Mother’s Day. I have THREE….count them, THREE beautifully healthy daughters. I can hardly believe they’re mine. Every cuddly, dimpled, ringlet is mine. I get to wake up everyday and be their mother. I get to kiss their cheeks, squeeze them tight and watch them grow everyday and I am eternally grateful to God and all of the people in our lives who have helped to make that possible. Every challenge, every hardship has been worth it!
The second thought I had today was I don’t have a clue what I’m doing! For those of you who know me well, you know my story. I was not raised by my mother, I was raised off and on by grandparents, aunts and uncles, Moms of friends….and I am better for it. I am a stronger, more resilient person for those experiences. But at times, I do feel at a disadvantage in the mothering department. I don’t have a solid point of reference and that makes me sad. But, I have found myself a few books, a few Mom’s who are not my own- but they are (if you know what I mean) and I have friends who are remarkable mothers that I can model myself after. So, while I am intimidated and a little bit sad that I missed out on the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles and the milestones that I so enjoy as a mother, I don’t let it determine my happiness. That was a choice out of my hands long ago and I have chosen to allow myself my moments of loss for that time in my life and then I move forward to embrace my life as Mother to Jordan, Madison and Charlotte. I may not have a point of reference, but I know how to love, I know how to guide and I know how to admit my faults when I don’t do it right. My girls will never doubt my love. They will always be able to trust me. They will never be left with doubt of my intentions for their happiness. They may not like me some of the time, but they will know I love them.
My third thought of the day…..will I ever sleep again? But that’s for another post.
Here are my little blessings……and for those of you who have been following our journey for the last 6 months, you truly know how lucky I am. For those of you here for the first time, head to my posts beginning in November. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!